[ at least she's no longer cold and shivering even if the vibes post-trial could be better.
elysia is walking around while scrolling through photos on her phone, but when she sees yves, her hand automatically reaches out for him, a question that her thoughts ask for her: are you okay?
between marcoh and siffrin and everyone else here, there's a lot to worry about. ]
... when we were in Virginia, you're the one that Siff saw. The one who held out your hand and pulled them out of the blood river. I know that doesn't really make sense, not completely, but... for me, it was Monsieur Lucas.
[ one of the few people that, even now, yves sees as a sanctuary ]
[ he'll just give her a little squeeze, letting his face press into her hair affectionately ]
I know you always do your best, and that's why I know you'll always succeed. If you're feeling uncertain this once, let me hold onto your confidence for you.
I just think... not knowing personally how the weeks we were apart have affected them will make it a little difficult. Letters, as sweet and lovely as they are, can only convey so much.
[ when you can carefully choose the words you can send and even when you are crashing out in a letter, it's not nearly the same.
she thinks this about everyone she loves and parted with. ]
[ he will at least bend to make that easier for her, his own arms looping around her waist ]
You're welcome. I think trying might be all we have... and I want to believe that it'll be enough. If things are still difficult, we regroup and come back together and try again.
Nothing's over yet, and nothing's broken beyond repair as long as we're all still here.
I think... it makes sense for duty and responsibility to make someone feel like they should return back home. [ a beat ] I also understand how that could make someone miserable.
[ . . . well. he does press his face against her hair briefly at that, a silent agreement. he does consider elysia to be among that number that he wishes he could have something happier.
[ truly, she is. that he is choosing to go somewhere that he could be happier.
but this does tie into something that's been lingering in the back of her mind. ]
Claude came to talk to me the other day, and I said I'd talk to you. He said, I decided for us without listening to you... without hearing what you might want. Or what you think you deserve.
[ he will pull away just enough to tuck elysia's hair behind her ear, admiring her for a quiet moment. ]
... I love you, Ellie. I love you so much that it does break my heart to let you go. I don't want you to think that it doesn't feel almost impossible, because it does. That's how much I cherish you. Even if I also love others, and you know that... that doesn't make any of this easy.
[ and some of the ache does sift into his voice, even as he tries to avoid it ]
I'm selfish enough that I'd choose you over any stranger. If I didn't have to think about Adolphe, I'd choose you over anything and everything. I'd follow you across the stars and even if you plan on bringing ruin to your paradise, I'd chase you just to hold onto your hand at the end.
And if I were to talk about what I wanted, in the deepest part of my heart, it'd be that I'd never let you go because I'd never sacrifice you for the world. Any world.
[ it whispers to him even now, some curling, twisted part of his heart. and yet... ]
But I could never ask that of you.
I'd bring the world to ruin for you, but it's that world you love—so I can't. If you love humanity so dearly, then I can't part with it even though I just as equally can't part with you. If this is what you choose...
I have to let you choose it, because I understand you—just as much as I love you.
[ yeah, but it's what got claude and elysia to talk again. isn't that a good thing?
the worst part of this is hearing that he'd ruin the world for her doesn't make her flinch. it's a relief to hear what he thinks, what he feels, no matter what it is. the extent of it is more than she imagined, but it is what she wanted to hear from him.
her cheeks flush, and tears collect in her eyes.
because in such an impossible way, he does understand her, and all she can do is fall more in love with him somehow. a part of her feels almost wretched, but she is also terribly glad in her own way.
she tries to say something, but that's when her tears fall.
yves brings a hand up automatically to her cheek, thumb brushing away at her tears gently. he's shocked himself, not quite sure what it is that he said that brought her to tears—nor what this emotion really is. did he say the wrong thing? the right thing?
yves still can't help the concern in his expression, even as he looks down at her. his smile turns into something a little rueful as she describes it as another memory—right, because soon they'll only be memories.
well... he at least can share the confidence in his choice. ]
And you are so lovely to me, even though I hate to bring you to tears.
... I really do understand. [ why he can't stop her, because he loves and respects her so ] So... it's alright.
[ all elysia is are memories. she can't help but cling to them.
he may never know how much he's shaken her, but her resolve has a little more clarity now, and she knows he will be going somewhere with adolphe, if nothing has changed.
her feeling settle, even if there will always be an ache. that's enough. ]
Sorry for bringing the mood down with my tears. [ even if they weren't really sad ones, not quite. ]
It was refreshing to have him talk to me, though. You bring people together in surprising ways.
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week 6, saturday
elysia is walking around while scrolling through photos on her phone, but when she sees yves, her hand automatically reaches out for him, a question that her thoughts ask for her: are you okay?
between marcoh and siffrin and everyone else here, there's a lot to worry about. ]
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but he will take her hand anyway and pull her in closer for a hug ]
Same as you. Worried, but okay. I do think everything is going to be alright, though.
[ he's not devastated by any means aside from some residual anxiety ]
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You think so? Marcoh and Siffrin.... Even I don't know if I'll be able to get through to Siffrin tomorrow.
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[ with confidence ]
... when we were in Virginia, you're the one that Siff saw. The one who held out your hand and pulled them out of the blood river. I know that doesn't really make sense, not completely, but... for me, it was Monsieur Lucas.
[ one of the few people that, even now, yves sees as a sanctuary ]
So... I do feel confident in that, Ellie.
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[ she doesn't have full context, but she understands enough.
she closes her eyes for a second, as she remembers her last conversations with siffrin. ]
I'll try my best. I always will. If I can be for Siffrin what Lucas is for you, even a little, I'll be grateful.
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I know you always do your best, and that's why I know you'll always succeed. If you're feeling uncertain this once, let me hold onto your confidence for you.
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I just think... not knowing personally how the weeks we were apart have affected them will make it a little difficult. Letters, as sweet and lovely as they are, can only convey so much.
[ when you can carefully choose the words you can send and even when you are crashing out in a letter, it's not nearly the same.
she thinks this about everyone she loves and parted with. ]
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... I left them a week ago... and I do think they were struggling. Even so... maybe it's unfounded optimism speaking but...
Even if wounds take time to heal, I think the healing will start once they get here.
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It is easier to heal on this side, I think, even if being removed has a different kind of feeling.
[ she reaches up and links her hands behind his neck. ]
It's okay. I'm optimistic, too. It won't be from a lack of trying. Thanks, Yves.
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You're welcome. I think trying might be all we have... and I want to believe that it'll be enough. If things are still difficult, we regroup and come back together and try again.
Nothing's over yet, and nothing's broken beyond repair as long as we're all still here.
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[ her confidence there is fine. ]
I just worry about how some people will fare... after.
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... I do too.
I think... it makes sense for duty and responsibility to make someone feel like they should return back home. [ a beat ] I also understand how that could make someone miserable.
[ because it was very close to being him ]
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[ or if both could be reached at the same time, somehow, but that's a very idealistic outcome. ]
You've made your choice, right?
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but he just hums faintly ]
I did. I'm not going back.
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I'm happy to hear that.
[ truly, she is. that he is choosing to go somewhere that he could be happier.
but this does tie into something that's been lingering in the back of her mind. ]
Claude came to talk to me the other day, and I said I'd talk to you. He said, I decided for us without listening to you... without hearing what you might want. Or what you think you deserve.
And I do want to hear that from you.
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You already know it's because he loves you.
[ even if it's not in the way he wants. ]
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[ he sighs ]
Sometimes I do wonder if he trusts me to handle myself.
[ oh well. he is fond, even though he's also like "i can't believe he talked to elysia about this claude when i get you" ]
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... I love you, Ellie. I love you so much that it does break my heart to let you go. I don't want you to think that it doesn't feel almost impossible, because it does. That's how much I cherish you. Even if I also love others, and you know that... that doesn't make any of this easy.
[ and some of the ache does sift into his voice, even as he tries to avoid it ]
I'm selfish enough that I'd choose you over any stranger. If I didn't have to think about Adolphe, I'd choose you over anything and everything. I'd follow you across the stars and even if you plan on bringing ruin to your paradise, I'd chase you just to hold onto your hand at the end.
And if I were to talk about what I wanted, in the deepest part of my heart, it'd be that I'd never let you go because I'd never sacrifice you for the world. Any world.
[ it whispers to him even now, some curling, twisted part of his heart. and yet... ]
But I could never ask that of you.
I'd bring the world to ruin for you, but it's that world you love—so I can't. If you love humanity so dearly, then I can't part with it even though I just as equally can't part with you. If this is what you choose...
I have to let you choose it, because I understand you—just as much as I love you.
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the worst part of this is hearing that he'd ruin the world for her doesn't make her flinch. it's a relief to hear what he thinks, what he feels, no matter what it is. the extent of it is more than she imagined, but it is what she wanted to hear from him.
her cheeks flush, and tears collect in her eyes.
because in such an impossible way, he does understand her, and all she can do is fall more in love with him somehow. a part of her feels almost wretched, but she is also terribly glad in her own way.
she tries to say something, but that's when her tears fall.
oh. is all she can think of, stupidly. ]
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[ oh no.
yves brings a hand up automatically to her cheek, thumb brushing away at her tears gently. he's shocked himself, not quite sure what it is that he said that brought her to tears—nor what this emotion really is. did he say the wrong thing? the right thing?
should he not have said anything at all? ]
Ellie, what's...
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[ she takes in a shallow breath, and her tears stop as quickly as they came. ]
It's okay. Nothing's wrong. Thank you for telling me all that. It's another precious memory.
[ she laughs, but it's shaky. ]
You are so beautiful to me. Thank you.
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yves still can't help the concern in his expression, even as he looks down at her. his smile turns into something a little rueful as she describes it as another memory—right, because soon they'll only be memories.
well... he at least can share the confidence in his choice. ]
And you are so lovely to me, even though I hate to bring you to tears.
... I really do understand. [ why he can't stop her, because he loves and respects her so ] So... it's alright.
Don't listen to Claude about things like that.
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he may never know how much he's shaken her, but her resolve has a little more clarity now, and she knows he will be going somewhere with adolphe, if nothing has changed.
her feeling settle, even if there will always be an ache. that's enough. ]
Sorry for bringing the mood down with my tears. [ even if they weren't really sad ones, not quite. ]
It was refreshing to have him talk to me, though. You bring people together in surprising ways.
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[ affectionate, as always. even if they only got one night together, his love really is everlasting. ]
But... well, if that helped your relationship, then I'm glad. I'm lucky to be so cared for by you both.
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