I think... it makes sense for duty and responsibility to make someone feel like they should return back home. [ a beat ] I also understand how that could make someone miserable.
[ . . . well. he does press his face against her hair briefly at that, a silent agreement. he does consider elysia to be among that number that he wishes he could have something happier.
[ truly, she is. that he is choosing to go somewhere that he could be happier.
but this does tie into something that's been lingering in the back of her mind. ]
Claude came to talk to me the other day, and I said I'd talk to you. He said, I decided for us without listening to you... without hearing what you might want. Or what you think you deserve.
[ he will pull away just enough to tuck elysia's hair behind her ear, admiring her for a quiet moment. ]
... I love you, Ellie. I love you so much that it does break my heart to let you go. I don't want you to think that it doesn't feel almost impossible, because it does. That's how much I cherish you. Even if I also love others, and you know that... that doesn't make any of this easy.
[ and some of the ache does sift into his voice, even as he tries to avoid it ]
I'm selfish enough that I'd choose you over any stranger. If I didn't have to think about Adolphe, I'd choose you over anything and everything. I'd follow you across the stars and even if you plan on bringing ruin to your paradise, I'd chase you just to hold onto your hand at the end.
And if I were to talk about what I wanted, in the deepest part of my heart, it'd be that I'd never let you go because I'd never sacrifice you for the world. Any world.
[ it whispers to him even now, some curling, twisted part of his heart. and yet... ]
But I could never ask that of you.
I'd bring the world to ruin for you, but it's that world you love—so I can't. If you love humanity so dearly, then I can't part with it even though I just as equally can't part with you. If this is what you choose...
I have to let you choose it, because I understand you—just as much as I love you.
[ yeah, but it's what got claude and elysia to talk again. isn't that a good thing?
the worst part of this is hearing that he'd ruin the world for her doesn't make her flinch. it's a relief to hear what he thinks, what he feels, no matter what it is. the extent of it is more than she imagined, but it is what she wanted to hear from him.
her cheeks flush, and tears collect in her eyes.
because in such an impossible way, he does understand her, and all she can do is fall more in love with him somehow. a part of her feels almost wretched, but she is also terribly glad in her own way.
she tries to say something, but that's when her tears fall.
yves brings a hand up automatically to her cheek, thumb brushing away at her tears gently. he's shocked himself, not quite sure what it is that he said that brought her to tears—nor what this emotion really is. did he say the wrong thing? the right thing?
yves still can't help the concern in his expression, even as he looks down at her. his smile turns into something a little rueful as she describes it as another memory—right, because soon they'll only be memories.
well... he at least can share the confidence in his choice. ]
And you are so lovely to me, even though I hate to bring you to tears.
... I really do understand. [ why he can't stop her, because he loves and respects her so ] So... it's alright.
[ all elysia is are memories. she can't help but cling to them.
he may never know how much he's shaken her, but her resolve has a little more clarity now, and she knows he will be going somewhere with adolphe, if nothing has changed.
her feeling settle, even if there will always be an ache. that's enough. ]
Sorry for bringing the mood down with my tears. [ even if they weren't really sad ones, not quite. ]
It was refreshing to have him talk to me, though. You bring people together in surprising ways.
[ see, the thing is that yves has said over and over this week—love is infinite. there will always be more of it to find. even if he's no longer looking for romantic love, he is never going to be surprised when it shows its head. he lacks jealousy for this reason, because isn't love such a wonderful thing?
and yet—it makes sense to him that with elysia of all people, he'd never have to say a word about it. she already gets it. he laughs and then presses his face into her hair, endeared and amused. there really is such a natural, immediate understanding between them even as abnormal as they are ]
... thanks Ellie. I'm happy too.
[ he can't deny this. he'd never think to because I've loved him for so much longer than I knew and I never thought he'd feel the same and that's something he cherishes too ]
I'm just... glad you get it.
[ that he doesn't need to explain further or have his own feelings doubted. all of his love is true. every last bit. ]
[ love is radiant and everlasting. it will bloom again and again. the seeds will be sown to grow amidst anything and everything, among whatever destruction and despair, and it is the one belief that elysia cannot be shaken from. love, in all its forms, is the greatest beauty to behold.
her elation for his love and his love that is returned is true. it will always be true. she has wanted so desperately for yves to know love. ]
It'd break my heart if I couldn't understand you. I love you, so how couldn't I know how you love?
[ for how much understanding means to her. for what it means to love. ]
How couldn't I know your happiness when I see it? I'll always accept each and every part of you, from the darkest to the lightest. Everything you wish to give is true to me.
Even the part of you that'd ruin the world for me.
[ she slides her arms down to loop around his waist, and she tucks her head into the crook of his neck as she thinks, i love you more than i love myself. i could love you more than the world. ]
she could love him more than the world, but she doesn't. perhaps if he didn't have his attentions divided, if he didn't already have someone who loves him who has already promised him a devoted future without end, he'd pursue that thought more. he'd ask what it means to want to love each other more than the world, even if it means damnation. even if it means going against the redemption they've arrived here for.
she tempts him to be selfish and he is just barely pulling himself back from the ledge.
the question diverts his thoughts and he ends up laughing about it. he pulls her back in closer ]
Adolphe also told me that we should be kept a secret, and to keep acting as normal. Isn't this normal?
[ but he will be reasonable, ] I'm afraid I can't spare any more kisses for you, Ellie... but he does know I love you. I think his rules are just that I can't say as much to him.
If he asks more of me, I'll do as he asks... [ because yves is loving and devoted and so terribly loyal, and adolphe has locked him in entirely ] but I think he understands the type of person I am, too.
[ but who knows! they haven't been on mingles together much because adolphe hates trial and execution. ]
[ could is damning enough for elysia. could is something that is able to turn into would, and it's a little frightening to think about, but she won't because yves has a future with someone who can promise him one. it's more than enough to keep her from continuing the thought because elysia, for all her thousands of years of waiting with her memories, is someone whose future has been lost long ago.
and no one has ever asked her to consider choosing a future. what would it mean to choose a future that meant she'd choose everything she hasn't before?
she is content with her present, and everything yves says does more to settle things for her. ]
His shyness is going to make things more difficult for him.
[ they are naturally affectionate, but if that's the decision, she isn't going to argue it. adolphe does his best to stay away from groups of people anyway, so it might end up being fine. ]
It's okay. We had that one night. I don't need more.
[ it's a ridiculous thing to say with her arms still around him, but need and want are different things. ]
I wonder if he was thinking of you when he was asking me all these questions a while ago. Do you know he asked me what I'd do if the person I loved most asked me to stop loving everyone else?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ her confidence there is fine. ]
I just worry about how some people will fare... after.
no subject
... I do too.
I think... it makes sense for duty and responsibility to make someone feel like they should return back home. [ a beat ] I also understand how that could make someone miserable.
[ because it was very close to being him ]
no subject
[ or if both could be reached at the same time, somehow, but that's a very idealistic outcome. ]
You've made your choice, right?
no subject
but he just hums faintly ]
I did. I'm not going back.
no subject
I'm happy to hear that.
[ truly, she is. that he is choosing to go somewhere that he could be happier.
but this does tie into something that's been lingering in the back of her mind. ]
Claude came to talk to me the other day, and I said I'd talk to you. He said, I decided for us without listening to you... without hearing what you might want. Or what you think you deserve.
And I do want to hear that from you.
no subject
no subject
You already know it's because he loves you.
[ even if it's not in the way he wants. ]
[1/2]
[ he sighs ]
Sometimes I do wonder if he trusts me to handle myself.
[ oh well. he is fond, even though he's also like "i can't believe he talked to elysia about this claude when i get you" ]
no subject
... I love you, Ellie. I love you so much that it does break my heart to let you go. I don't want you to think that it doesn't feel almost impossible, because it does. That's how much I cherish you. Even if I also love others, and you know that... that doesn't make any of this easy.
[ and some of the ache does sift into his voice, even as he tries to avoid it ]
I'm selfish enough that I'd choose you over any stranger. If I didn't have to think about Adolphe, I'd choose you over anything and everything. I'd follow you across the stars and even if you plan on bringing ruin to your paradise, I'd chase you just to hold onto your hand at the end.
And if I were to talk about what I wanted, in the deepest part of my heart, it'd be that I'd never let you go because I'd never sacrifice you for the world. Any world.
[ it whispers to him even now, some curling, twisted part of his heart. and yet... ]
But I could never ask that of you.
I'd bring the world to ruin for you, but it's that world you love—so I can't. If you love humanity so dearly, then I can't part with it even though I just as equally can't part with you. If this is what you choose...
I have to let you choose it, because I understand you—just as much as I love you.
no subject
the worst part of this is hearing that he'd ruin the world for her doesn't make her flinch. it's a relief to hear what he thinks, what he feels, no matter what it is. the extent of it is more than she imagined, but it is what she wanted to hear from him.
her cheeks flush, and tears collect in her eyes.
because in such an impossible way, he does understand her, and all she can do is fall more in love with him somehow. a part of her feels almost wretched, but she is also terribly glad in her own way.
she tries to say something, but that's when her tears fall.
oh. is all she can think of, stupidly. ]
no subject
[ oh no.
yves brings a hand up automatically to her cheek, thumb brushing away at her tears gently. he's shocked himself, not quite sure what it is that he said that brought her to tears—nor what this emotion really is. did he say the wrong thing? the right thing?
should he not have said anything at all? ]
Ellie, what's...
no subject
[ she takes in a shallow breath, and her tears stop as quickly as they came. ]
It's okay. Nothing's wrong. Thank you for telling me all that. It's another precious memory.
[ she laughs, but it's shaky. ]
You are so beautiful to me. Thank you.
no subject
yves still can't help the concern in his expression, even as he looks down at her. his smile turns into something a little rueful as she describes it as another memory—right, because soon they'll only be memories.
well... he at least can share the confidence in his choice. ]
And you are so lovely to me, even though I hate to bring you to tears.
... I really do understand. [ why he can't stop her, because he loves and respects her so ] So... it's alright.
Don't listen to Claude about things like that.
no subject
he may never know how much he's shaken her, but her resolve has a little more clarity now, and she knows he will be going somewhere with adolphe, if nothing has changed.
her feeling settle, even if there will always be an ache. that's enough. ]
Sorry for bringing the mood down with my tears. [ even if they weren't really sad ones, not quite. ]
It was refreshing to have him talk to me, though. You bring people together in surprising ways.
no subject
[ affectionate, as always. even if they only got one night together, his love really is everlasting. ]
But... well, if that helped your relationship, then I'm glad. I'm lucky to be so cared for by you both.
no subject
And by Adolphe, too, right?
no subject
People keep asking me about this when he wanted to keep it a secret.... but yes.
[ he's not much of a liar in general ]
no subject
I'm truly, truly so happy for you. I'm content.
[ even if she, too, would have liked to be able to spend forever with him.
there is more peace in her heart. wow!! love is real!! ]
no subject
and yet—it makes sense to him that with elysia of all people, he'd never have to say a word about it. she already gets it. he laughs and then presses his face into her hair, endeared and amused. there really is such a natural, immediate understanding between them even as abnormal as they are ]
... thanks Ellie. I'm happy too.
[ he can't deny this. he'd never think to because I've loved him for so much longer than I knew and I never thought he'd feel the same and that's something he cherishes too ]
I'm just... glad you get it.
[ that he doesn't need to explain further or have his own feelings doubted. all of his love is true. every last bit. ]
1/2
her elation for his love and his love that is returned is true. it will always be true. she has wanted so desperately for yves to know love. ]
It'd break my heart if I couldn't understand you. I love you, so how couldn't I know how you love?
[ for how much understanding means to her. for what it means to love. ]
How couldn't I know your happiness when I see it? I'll always accept each and every part of you, from the darkest to the lightest. Everything you wish to give is true to me.
Even the part of you that'd ruin the world for me.
[ she slides her arms down to loop around his waist, and she tucks her head into the crook of his neck as she thinks, i love you more than i love myself. i could love you more than the world. ]
no subject
Adolphe told me he's the type to get jealous. Should I.....
[ she loosens her hold on him a fraction. ]
I'm so used to touching you.
no subject
she could love him more than the world, but she doesn't. perhaps if he didn't have his attentions divided, if he didn't already have someone who loves him who has already promised him a devoted future without end, he'd pursue that thought more. he'd ask what it means to want to love each other more than the world, even if it means damnation. even if it means going against the redemption they've arrived here for.
she tempts him to be selfish and he is just barely pulling himself back from the ledge.
the question diverts his thoughts and he ends up laughing about it. he pulls her back in closer ]
Adolphe also told me that we should be kept a secret, and to keep acting as normal. Isn't this normal?
[ but he will be reasonable, ] I'm afraid I can't spare any more kisses for you, Ellie... but he does know I love you. I think his rules are just that I can't say as much to him.
If he asks more of me, I'll do as he asks... [ because yves is loving and devoted and so terribly loyal, and adolphe has locked him in entirely ] but I think he understands the type of person I am, too.
[ but who knows! they haven't been on mingles together much because adolphe hates trial and execution. ]
no subject
and no one has ever asked her to consider choosing a future. what would it mean to choose a future that meant she'd choose everything she hasn't before?
she is content with her present, and everything yves says does more to settle things for her. ]
His shyness is going to make things more difficult for him.
[ they are naturally affectionate, but if that's the decision, she isn't going to argue it. adolphe does his best to stay away from groups of people anyway, so it might end up being fine. ]
It's okay. We had that one night. I don't need more.
[ it's a ridiculous thing to say with her arms still around him, but need and want are different things. ]
I wonder if he was thinking of you when he was asking me all these questions a while ago. Do you know he asked me what I'd do if the person I loved most asked me to stop loving everyone else?