From what he tells me, all of you have also asked him.
[ he says, wryly. ear flick.
silence, for a moment, as he gathers his thoughts - as his emotions ease from embarrassed to something like... solid. something grateful, something cradled. it is affection, but it's a little more than just that. it's kind of sad that he's one of the only good things that's happened since she was gone. ]
I care greatly for him. I'm trying to enjoy that before it's gone.
[ she continues to pout, but there's no real sad feelings behind it. there's a sense of contentment when she feels those emotions from him. she's happy he had something good to ease everything. ]
I'm happy for you two. [ genuinely, sincerely. the joy is pure. ] Is it because you have to return to your general, and he has to save his world from that - man? Louis?
[ unfortunately the pout is endearing and he is wildly disarmed by it as always. ]
Both, yes. And the god of this place has said that there will be no travel between worlds, after this. [ ... ] They suggested one of us go home with the other, but that is impossible. I would not take him from his world, and I could not leave mine.
[ nor does he really... want to. he wants to go home. ]
[ stop being weak to her pouting. don't enable her annoying behavior.
her feelings flicker and flutter, hearing that. there is something sad and bittersweet, but there is also a deep understanding. she scoots closer to him and wraps her arms around him in a hug. ]
It matters that there is love, even if you have to part ways. You two make each other happy, for whatever time you have together, and that's significant. It's so radiant for the time you have, isn't it?
he will take the hug, resting his head against her own, but there's something rough and snarled and sad in him at what she says. ]
... Yes, of course.
[ ... is what he says, but his thoughts are quiet, plaintive. but what if, just this once, he wanted to get to keep something? what if he didn't want to give up something that makes him happy in the face of duty? what if just once, he wanted to have both, wanted to be selfish, greedy?
it makes him feel bad to even think about. of course he doesn't deserve that. ]
[ she holds him close, for his comfort as much as her own. she lets the silence settle for a moment, and she thinks they are alike enough in some ways even if they are different in thinking how much they're worth or deserving of something.
she knows how hard it is to let go and say goodbye, to want to keep being with everyone you love. ]
It's okay to want to be selfish. You don't have to like your decision even if you can't imagine choosing anything else.
You can want to hold onto that love. After all, it's so warm and bright and lovely.
You always deserve love, Jiaoqiu. I'm just sorry that you won't ask to keep it.
[ a little bitter laugh, at that. he can't see anything, and he doesn't bother pretending like he can. he just stares across the room. ]
I have asked to keep it. [ softer. ] But it is not up to me.
[ it's just, y'know. if neither of them can go home with each other, and there's no chance of worldhop, he can't keep it. it'll just be another thing he loses, and it's so very hard to not be bitter about it. jiaoqiu isn't the type to weigh things like this, to be like this is how much I've done, and I'm owed this much in return, but.
people keep telling him that he should live a little for himself. he doesn't see how. ]
[ her hold on him tightens a fraction, as if trying to keep him. ]
Because you two wish to keep to your own worlds. Is duty feeling too heavy for you now?
[ if there is no easy solution to have everything, there is only something to give up, something to sacrifice. ]
Or is it the only thing pulling you forward now?
[ there is bitterness in his laugh, and at least, that means he does want more for himself even if he doesn't know how to keep it. she thinks, that is more than what was before, as heartrendingly sad as it is.
[ over the time he's been here, he has learned that maybe it is okay to want. so many people have told him to reach, and he's been thinking about how much he wants to. ]
I don't know that it's duty. [ maybe it is a little. he has an obligation to feixiao, to his home, but more than that, he loves his home. he loves feixiao, he loves moze, he loves the yaoqing. he would never want to leave it forever.
a sigh. ]
But I cannot ask him to leave everything he's ever known for someone he has only been with for a few weeks. We would both be unhappy, and... his happiness is what matters.
[ ... ]
Perhaps he'll find someone better, when he returns. That would be ideal.
[ at least on some of the points, she does understand a little too well right now even if it makes her heart hurt even more for jiaoqiu. if it's not duty, it's love and having to consider what love will win out in the end ends in some kind of heartache.
however, she flicks one of his ears very lightly. ]
It may be difficult, but your happiness matters, too. Do not want him to find someone better. You can want him to be happy without you, but you are the someone better. Okay?
He'll have to settle for someone worse.
[ she's both joking and serious. mostly serious. ]
[ a huff of a laugh, at that. he tries, half heartedly, to pout at the flick like she might pout at him, but he only slightly manages. ]
You continue to be too kind to me.
[ anyway. he doesn't see the point in talking about it if there isn't a solution. he knows better than to expect a happy ending, and it makes him feel like he's going to drift away. he's spent so much time trying to hold on to anything but nihility these days, so.
he changes the subject. ]
Will you tell me what will happen to you after all of this?
[ unfortunately, she thinks the attempt at a pout is really cute, and it makes her smile. ]
I'm the right amount. Sometimes, I think I should be even more loving.
[ if that's possible? it's possible.
she's thoughtful, wondering if she should let him to change the subject so easily, but as much as she does want him to talk about all his problems, she also doesn't want their reunion after so many weeks to be all heartache, even if it's important. it's always important. ]
I plan to go back to my world. I have unfinished business to take care of. There's an unwanted visitor I need to kick out.
Well, that visitor is kind of why I'm here in the first place, but don't worry. It's because I'll get to see my friends again that I'll be fine. I'll call them to me, and they can help me.
[ at least she exudes confidence that she'll be able to fix the reason why she died in the first place. ]
[ her joy blooms when he says it aloud. it's not that she can't tell or doesn't know, but she knows how much it is for him to say it and express it in this way. her heart could burst with how happy this makes her. ]
Thank you. I'm so happy to have met you and known you. You are one of the best parts about this piece of Heaven.
[ she truly loves him so much, more than she has the words to say. even if she will keep trying to say it in as many and in as little words as possible. ]
[ he goes SO red. aaaaaaaa. he does not know how to handle this sort of thing!!
but he doesn't hate it, and it makes him feel warm, makes him feel - worth it, he supposes, which is something he struggles with consistently. he cares for her a lot, and it makes his eyes burn, his throat feel tight. this entire week has been like saying goodbye over and over again.
a little shuddery sigh, and then: ]
Let's not go too far. [ weakly. he's not the best, he doesn't think, but. ] I will never forget you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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well, it's not like she doesn't see things that happen in public, and she's shameless enough even without loss week to help her out. ]
Aww, Jiaoqiu.... [ she mock pouts. ] Aren't you going to tell me about Basilio?
[ there's only fondness and encouragement. ]
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[ he says, wryly. ear flick.
silence, for a moment, as he gathers his thoughts - as his emotions ease from embarrassed to something like... solid. something grateful, something cradled. it is affection, but it's a little more than just that. it's kind of sad that he's one of the only good things that's happened since she was gone. ]
I care greatly for him. I'm trying to enjoy that before it's gone.
no subject
[ she continues to pout, but there's no real sad feelings behind it. there's a sense of contentment when she feels those emotions from him. she's happy he had something good to ease everything. ]
I'm happy for you two. [ genuinely, sincerely. the joy is pure. ] Is it because you have to return to your general, and he has to save his world from that - man? Louis?
no subject
Both, yes. And the god of this place has said that there will be no travel between worlds, after this. [ ... ] They suggested one of us go home with the other, but that is impossible. I would not take him from his world, and I could not leave mine.
[ nor does he really... want to. he wants to go home. ]
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her feelings flicker and flutter, hearing that. there is something sad and bittersweet, but there is also a deep understanding. she scoots closer to him and wraps her arms around him in a hug. ]
It matters that there is love, even if you have to part ways. You two make each other happy, for whatever time you have together, and that's significant. It's so radiant for the time you have, isn't it?
no subject
he will take the hug, resting his head against her own, but there's something rough and snarled and sad in him at what she says. ]
... Yes, of course.
[ ... is what he says, but his thoughts are quiet, plaintive. but what if, just this once, he wanted to get to keep something? what if he didn't want to give up something that makes him happy in the face of duty? what if just once, he wanted to have both, wanted to be selfish, greedy?
it makes him feel bad to even think about. of course he doesn't deserve that. ]
no subject
she knows how hard it is to let go and say goodbye, to want to keep being with everyone you love. ]
It's okay to want to be selfish. You don't have to like your decision even if you can't imagine choosing anything else.
You can want to hold onto that love. After all, it's so warm and bright and lovely.
You always deserve love, Jiaoqiu. I'm just sorry that you won't ask to keep it.
no subject
I have asked to keep it. [ softer. ] But it is not up to me.
[ it's just, y'know. if neither of them can go home with each other, and there's no chance of worldhop, he can't keep it. it'll just be another thing he loses, and it's so very hard to not be bitter about it. jiaoqiu isn't the type to weigh things like this, to be like this is how much I've done, and I'm owed this much in return, but.
people keep telling him that he should live a little for himself. he doesn't see how. ]
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Because you two wish to keep to your own worlds. Is duty feeling too heavy for you now?
[ if there is no easy solution to have everything, there is only something to give up, something to sacrifice. ]
Or is it the only thing pulling you forward now?
[ there is bitterness in his laugh, and at least, that means he does want more for himself even if he doesn't know how to keep it. she thinks, that is more than what was before, as heartrendingly sad as it is.
at least he does want for more. ]
no subject
I don't know that it's duty. [ maybe it is a little. he has an obligation to feixiao, to his home, but more than that, he loves his home. he loves feixiao, he loves moze, he loves the yaoqing. he would never want to leave it forever.
a sigh. ]
But I cannot ask him to leave everything he's ever known for someone he has only been with for a few weeks. We would both be unhappy, and... his happiness is what matters.
[ ... ]
Perhaps he'll find someone better, when he returns. That would be ideal.
no subject
[ at least on some of the points, she does understand a little too well right now even if it makes her heart hurt even more for jiaoqiu. if it's not duty, it's love and having to consider what love will win out in the end ends in some kind of heartache.
however, she flicks one of his ears very lightly. ]
It may be difficult, but your happiness matters, too. Do not want him to find someone better. You can want him to be happy without you, but you are the someone better. Okay?
He'll have to settle for someone worse.
[ she's both joking and serious. mostly serious. ]
no subject
You continue to be too kind to me.
[ anyway. he doesn't see the point in talking about it if there isn't a solution. he knows better than to expect a happy ending, and it makes him feel like he's going to drift away. he's spent so much time trying to hold on to anything but nihility these days, so.
he changes the subject. ]
Will you tell me what will happen to you after all of this?
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I'm the right amount. Sometimes, I think I should be even more loving.
[ if that's possible? it's possible.
she's thoughtful, wondering if she should let him to change the subject so easily, but as much as she does want him to talk about all his problems, she also doesn't want their reunion after so many weeks to be all heartache, even if it's important. it's always important. ]
I plan to go back to my world. I have unfinished business to take care of. There's an unwanted visitor I need to kick out.
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Haha, ah... I'd be terrified, if I was that unwanted visitor. [ a beat. ] Will you get to see your friends again?
[ he thinks about her last conversations with them a lot, the ones he saw. ]
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[ at least she exudes confidence that she'll be able to fix the reason why she died in the first place. ]
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[ a little smile. ]
If only you could call upon me, as well. I would bring the full force of the Yaoqing. [ he figures feixiao would be down. ]
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her love overflows and she tightens her hold onto him, as if she never wants to let him go. ]
I love you so much, Jiaoqiu. Have I said that yet today? I love you so, so much.
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a beat, and he shifts to slip his arms around her in return, hugging her.
he struggles a little with it because it's still terrifying to say out loud, it's still hard to get the words out. writing them was easier. but. ]
... I love you too, Ellie. [ scary, scary. but he means it. ]
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Thank you. I'm so happy to have met you and known you. You are one of the best parts about this piece of Heaven.
[ she truly loves him so much, more than she has the words to say. even if she will keep trying to say it in as many and in as little words as possible. ]
no subject
but he doesn't hate it, and it makes him feel warm, makes him feel - worth it, he supposes, which is something he struggles with consistently. he cares for her a lot, and it makes his eyes burn, his throat feel tight. this entire week has been like saying goodbye over and over again.
a little shuddery sigh, and then: ]
Let's not go too far. [ weakly. he's not the best, he doesn't think, but. ] I will never forget you.