[ she can take derision. that's fine. but that he thinks she wouldn't try to understand people... she's not here to fight him, so she won't point out how she wonders how much his accusation is also pointed at himself. not now, at least. ]
Your bitterness is understandable, but Yoji and Saber have a kindness they don't like others to see, just like you.
[ it's not like she expected yoji and saber to be so immediate about it. she just knew they wouldn't hesitate if it had to be done. she knew it'd be cruel to all three of them, but she still wrote anyway.
she also doesn't care if he doesn't like being likened to people he hates right now. she'd rather just pull all of his thoughts out of him. ]
My wish has always been for everyone to have a future. You're a part of that.
[ He's frustrated. Even though he- he's good at locking down his emotions. He'd learned a long time ago not to let his anger or hurt show.
But he finds himself more honest in the company of a friend. He doesn't see her as one anymore, but it seems the hold on his heart is still there. He doesn't know how to defend himself against kindness. And he doesn't know how to defend himself against heartbreak either. ]
I know. But they would have kept searching for you... and if I knew your soul would be safe and didn't need to be healed, I wouldn't have done anything about it.
[ she can't change the past, but she'd make the same decision again. ]
I've never needed or wanted you to be a good king or a good person, Claude. I've only ever wanted to know - you.
You don't need to like me again. You don't need to hide your anger with me. I'd rather you let it all go now, and then... if it's what you want and not because you're afraid of being abandoned again... I'll leave you be.
It was never to abandon you, Claude, and it never will be with me.
[ he doesn't have to believe her, but elysia does not know how to be anything but sincere. ]
[ He's quiet a moment, upset and half wishing that she would just leave him be. He knows he's being petty and unfair. He knows. He knows, so what's the point? He can't help it.
He's never been a good person. ]
I do like you. [ Even if she doesn't care. ] When I saw that memory of yours... I felt like I could understand you.
And like everyone else here, I wanted to enjoy more of your presence.
[ He's not immune to her charm. And he just closes his eyes. ]
... But I don't have a kind or forgiving heart. I don't know how to be around you without feeling hurt.
[ she does care. of course she wants to be liked. of course she wants to be loved. even though she has enough self-worth and self-love to spare, of course she wants him to like her. she would only understand if he wouldn't anymore.
it's funny because whenever she tells someone how to love her, she tells them all they have to do is understand her. what he says makes her feel a little bittersweet, but still, she smiles even if it's dimmed by sadness. ]
It's okay if you don't forgive me. It's even more okay if you're hurt because of me, if you're hurt around me. I did hurt you.
I could hurt you again.
But Claude... I just don't want you to close yourself off to others because of me. I want to be able to love you, and I do want you to like me, but... if you don't want to try with me again, that's okay. I just want you to keep trying with others.
[ If there are no preconceived notions, then it's okay.
He hesitates though, struggling to answer. ]
I want to know this isn't a sacrifice made with a smile. That a person I care about doesn't think it's okay to sacrifice our relationship for some greater good.
[ She already said it was okay, so he wants to confirm if that's true. Even though he's a dick, and she would be well within her rights to tell him to get lost. ]
Why would it be easy for me to choose something that would distance someone I love?
[ it's loss week. he can know a weakness. ]
Why would it be easy for me to lose someone I care about like this? It's not. I thought and thought and thought... and thought and thought and thought.... and there's only so much I can do here. I don't like sacrifice, but I'm used to it.
[ her heart is like a crystal, clear and strong but also impossibly fragile. ]
I think you want to trust others. I think you want to be with others. I think you'd like to be yourself with people you like without having to worry about what might happen, but I think you're afraid to. Because you want to be a good king and you want to be a good person, but those two can't always happen side by side.
[ But when people are kind and generous enough to offer it to him anyway, he'll cradle it like a precious gift.
She can read him. He supposed that he shouldn't be surprised. Maybe that's what makes it easier to focus. Easier to articulate what he wants to say. ]
And... I really am worse than I thought, because it's a relief to see that weakness in you. I wish you'd shared more of them with me.
[ Meeting her gaze. ]
I missed the point a little, but I don't actually need you to spell out the bigger picture or the greater good for me. I never thought of you as a bad person, Elysia.
It's childish, I know, to be hurt over you sacrificing the trust I put in you. [ ... ] Because you're right, none of that is easy for me.
None of that is a fairytale. It can be anyone's reality.
[ perhaps optimistic and difficult based on circumstances, but it's nothing that should read like a fairytale. she would know.
she holds his gaze without flinching. it doesn't show, but she does hurt. what he says hurts. elysia can be flawless, but she has never been infallible. this isn't about her, and she doesn't want it to be. ]
It wasn't about the greater good. [ is it nice if that is also happens? yes, but it wasn't about the greater good, not primarily. ] If I cared that much about the greater good, I would love less. I would love fewer.
I don't think it's childish. I think it's natural. [ ... ] If you don't think anything can be rebuilt... that's fine, but stop saying you're worse than you think you are. You're not.
You're more like everyone else than you think.
[ his reactions are so normal. maybe he's petty and bitter, but that's normal. ]
Well, they are some of what I would consider my worse qualities.
[ It's really kind of hypocritical of him to feel any anger over her actions, when his own mentality is that people are free to hate him over killing Zhongli, because he doesn't regret what he did.
He doesn't think tasting his own medicine is enough to make him change, but at least he can acknowledge when he's being a hypocrite. ]
That time, when you introduced that enemy to unite humanity. Did it bring about the results you wanted?
he is free to hate her for the actions she took. it can track. it is loss week, so where she would deflect and make claude come back if he really wanted to know and suffer her company again for information, he can have it for free today. ]
It did. I was the enemy.
[ so it is not like she isn't used to being distrusted or hated. ]
Can you take a guess? In the logical flow of that memory and sequence of events... if I made myself an enemy for everyone left to target... what do you think happened to me next?
[ with his knowledge of war and strategy and ability to sacrifice others ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Your bitterness is understandable, but Yoji and Saber have a kindness they don't like others to see, just like you.
[ it's not like she expected yoji and saber to be so immediate about it. she just knew they wouldn't hesitate if it had to be done. she knew it'd be cruel to all three of them, but she still wrote anyway.
she also doesn't care if he doesn't like being likened to people he hates right now. she'd rather just pull all of his thoughts out of him. ]
My wish has always been for everyone to have a future. You're a part of that.
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[ He's frustrated. Even though he- he's good at locking down his emotions. He'd learned a long time ago not to let his anger or hurt show.
But he finds himself more honest in the company of a friend. He doesn't see her as one anymore, but it seems the hold on his heart is still there. He doesn't know how to defend himself against kindness. And he doesn't know how to defend himself against heartbreak either. ]
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I know. But they would have kept searching for you... and if I knew your soul would be safe and didn't need to be healed, I wouldn't have done anything about it.
[ she can't change the past, but she'd make the same decision again. ]
I've never needed or wanted you to be a good king or a good person, Claude. I've only ever wanted to know - you.
You don't need to like me again. You don't need to hide your anger with me. I'd rather you let it all go now, and then... if it's what you want and not because you're afraid of being abandoned again... I'll leave you be.
It was never to abandon you, Claude, and it never will be with me.
[ he doesn't have to believe her, but elysia does not know how to be anything but sincere. ]
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He's never been a good person. ]
I do like you. [ Even if she doesn't care. ] When I saw that memory of yours... I felt like I could understand you.
And like everyone else here, I wanted to enjoy more of your presence.
[ He's not immune to her charm. And he just closes his eyes. ]
... But I don't have a kind or forgiving heart. I don't know how to be around you without feeling hurt.
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it's funny because whenever she tells someone how to love her, she tells them all they have to do is understand her. what he says makes her feel a little bittersweet, but still, she smiles even if it's dimmed by sadness. ]
It's okay if you don't forgive me. It's even more okay if you're hurt because of me, if you're hurt around me. I did hurt you.
I could hurt you again.
But Claude... I just don't want you to close yourself off to others because of me. I want to be able to love you, and I do want you to like me, but... if you don't want to try with me again, that's okay. I just want you to keep trying with others.
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[ He's frowning. Not trying to play games with her, but genuinely curious if she might have a guess. ]
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[ she tilts her head with a smile. ]
Do you really want me to make a guess?
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[ If there are no preconceived notions, then it's okay.
He hesitates though, struggling to answer. ]
I want to know this isn't a sacrifice made with a smile. That a person I care about doesn't think it's okay to sacrifice our relationship for some greater good.
[ She already said it was okay, so he wants to confirm if that's true. Even though he's a dick, and she would be well within her rights to tell him to get lost. ]
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Why would it be easy for me to choose something that would distance someone I love?
[ it's loss week. he can know a weakness. ]
Why would it be easy for me to lose someone I care about like this? It's not. I thought and thought and thought... and thought and thought and thought.... and there's only so much I can do here. I don't like sacrifice, but I'm used to it.
[ her heart is like a crystal, clear and strong but also impossibly fragile. ]
I think you want to trust others. I think you want to be with others. I think you'd like to be yourself with people you like without having to worry about what might happen, but I think you're afraid to. Because you want to be a good king and you want to be a good person, but those two can't always happen side by side.
I think you want to be loved.
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[ But when people are kind and generous enough to offer it to him anyway, he'll cradle it like a precious gift.
She can read him. He supposed that he shouldn't be surprised. Maybe that's what makes it easier to focus. Easier to articulate what he wants to say. ]
And... I really am worse than I thought, because it's a relief to see that weakness in you. I wish you'd shared more of them with me.
[ Meeting her gaze. ]
I missed the point a little, but I don't actually need you to spell out the bigger picture or the greater good for me. I never thought of you as a bad person, Elysia.
It's childish, I know, to be hurt over you sacrificing the trust I put in you. [ ... ] Because you're right, none of that is easy for me.
But I believed it could be with you.
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[ perhaps optimistic and difficult based on circumstances, but it's nothing that should read like a fairytale. she would know.
she holds his gaze without flinching. it doesn't show, but she does hurt. what he says hurts. elysia can be flawless, but she has never been infallible. this isn't about her, and she doesn't want it to be. ]
It wasn't about the greater good. [ is it nice if that is also happens? yes, but it wasn't about the greater good, not primarily. ] If I cared that much about the greater good, I would love less. I would love fewer.
I don't think it's childish. I think it's natural. [ ... ] If you don't think anything can be rebuilt... that's fine, but stop saying you're worse than you think you are. You're not.
You're more like everyone else than you think.
[ his reactions are so normal. maybe he's petty and bitter, but that's normal. ]
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I meant it when I said I don't have a forgiving heart.
[ He survived so long because of spite; it's just in his nature to hold onto negative emotion and use that as fuel. ]
But I do believe what you're saying. [ That her kindness is not a ruse. ] So... I don't know. I'll lick my wounds and then face you again.
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[ she'd like it if he could trust her again, if they could be friends again, but she knows that's unlikely at this point.
she isn't asking for his forgiveness either. she's just here because she wants to clear the air instead of leaving things unsaid. ]
I'll wait for you. For whatever you decide.
[ if there is anything elysia is good at, it's waiting. ]
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You know, I don't think we're that similar.
[ Like. Elysia is clearly way more capable of love than him. ]
But sometimes I do find myself relating to your actions in ways I don't expect.
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elysia's capacity for love is abnormal. no one should aspire for it. ]
I do like surprising people.
[ she keeps her tone light despite how serious their conversation was two seconds ago. ]
But I can only hope the ways you find us similar isn't anything you'd hate.
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[ It's really kind of hypocritical of him to feel any anger over her actions, when his own mentality is that people are free to hate him over killing Zhongli, because he doesn't regret what he did.
He doesn't think tasting his own medicine is enough to make him change, but at least he can acknowledge when he's being a hypocrite. ]
That time, when you introduced that enemy to unite humanity. Did it bring about the results you wanted?
[ i'm sorry i didn't keep tagging that back ara ]
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he is free to hate her for the actions she took. it can track. it is loss week, so where she would deflect and make claude come back if he really wanted to know and suffer her company again for information, he can have it for free today. ]
It did. I was the enemy.
[ so it is not like she isn't used to being distrusted or hated. ]
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Did you sacrifice love and companionship to do it?
[ Not sure if she'll answer this much. ]
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Can you take a guess? In the logical flow of that memory and sequence of events... if I made myself an enemy for everyone left to target... what do you think happened to me next?
[ with his knowledge of war and strategy and ability to sacrifice others ]
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I see. That's really not something I expected you to accept.
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Why would you say that?
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[ Unless she had a resurrection plan even without whatever happened here. ]
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[ but she does think he as a fundamental misunderstanding of something. ]
Claude, the memory you saw was from 50,000 years ago.
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Ah, that was the you before the simulation.
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