florescences | shadowheart catchall

You doubted the truth of your existence?

[she's not sure whether she means she doubted herself, or if she means it on a deeper level.]

What did you do, to change?

[ it's both. ]

I accepted that things about my past and my present only made more sense if what I didn't know before was the truth. I didn't like it at first, but if that was now my truth.... what could I do with that new truth?

What could I change? I could change the future.

You say you didn't like it at first, but I imagine it's more difficult than that.

[it sounds impossible, though. to accept putting aside everything that came before and trying to build a path forward out of nothing? she makes it sound so simple, though surely that's many years of hindsight.

of all the things she thought elysia would believe in, nothing is quite as terrifying to her as the prospect of believing in the future. not even necessarily a future she'll see for herself.]

It was.

[ it came after thinking and thinking and thinking and hoping for anything else. she didn't have many options left.

not if she wanted to continue being herself. ]

But if I loved the people who raised me, the people who guided me, the people who befriended me... the people who fought with me and by my side.... If I loved the world I lived in, I wanted it to have a future, with or without me.

... I would have liked it more if it could have been with me.

There's no way that it can be? You've given up on that entirely?

[that is what the situation sounded like, but...]

Well... if there's a possibility for something else, I'll take it. I love defying expectations. Being a surprise is fun.

I won't pay any price for it, but if it's something I don't mind doing, I'll go along with it.

[ she makes it sound so casual. ]

You make it sound very casual.

[just saying.]

It's funny. I don't even believe in the future as much as you do, and the one thing I know I won't do is give up on my life. I want the future even if I can't imagine something good for it.

[ elysia has yet to let go of shadowheart's hand, so she brings her other hand to envelop it and holds their hands up like a prayer. she's not religious, but she has wishes. ]

That's the kind of thing I like hearing best. I don't need you to think like I do, but I want you to want a future. I want everyone to have a future.

Even if you can't imagine anything good for it now, it doesn't mean something good can't come.

[she is religious but she would convert to elysia's new age agnostic vision at this point. elysia may not need her to think like she does, and she doesn't know if she even could, really. but she wouldn't mind thinking that way a little more.]

At the least, the one thing I know, is how many things can happen that I never would have expected.

[she didn't expect to be infected with a parasite or die and go to axolotl murder heaven, but also, she didn't expect that both things would wind up being a really good way to make friends and gain a support system so. she can't say elysia is wrong.]

[ her smile brightens. ]

Isn't that what makes everything that much more fun? I know the unexpected includes horrible things.

[ they have to go through people dying and finding out who killed them every week, for one. ]

But I'm so grateful to have met each and every one of you. To remember and to hold close to my heart. And even if the next few weeks hold even more terrible things, we can still lay the foundation for a future that can hold those terrible things without holding us back.

shadowheart catchall

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