florescences | shadowheart catchall

Hmm. [a smile, slightly bemused by elysia as ever.] You're always so confident in what the right thing is.

[but yes she will pat the spot for her to sit.]

If I was, wouldn't I have said something first? But out of the options in front of us... you acted where I didn't. Maybe it's because I take too long to think about it.

[ she sits. ]

I don't think it's wrong to think about it. I hope we think about it.

[after all, they were so close to getting it wrong. and she defended yves when he claimed it wasn't him, but that's more - it's hard to picture even a brainwashed yves as a calculated liar, whereas neverah obviously would calculate.]

I want us to keep thinking about it for the right reasons. Not because we're too afraid of how much it would hurt to be wrong.

I think that fear will overtake many.

[ elysia thinks it's a natural fear, but she understands where shadowheart is coming from. ]

I also think people will be afraid of being right, too. You saw how Jiaoqiu became, but I think most will follow your train of thought once they adapt.

What about you? What are you afraid of?

[she always talks about people as though she isn't part of what they're doing.]

[ she does do that, doesn't she.... elysia offers shadowheart a small smile. ]

Would you believe me if I said the last time I told someone I was afraid, I also said it must be strange for her to hear me say I was afraid?

[ she's silent for a moment. she isn't afraid of much, but she worries a lot. ]

I'm not one for justice, and what's right or wrong only goes so far with me. At the end, I want my memories with people to be true.

I believe that. You do always appear so confident in yourself and your beliefs, but I have to wonder if it could really be that simple.

[surely she doubts herself just like anyone.]

What does it mean, for your memories to be true?

I am different, but that's not the way I'm different.

[ at least, she doesn't think so. her doubts lie within the fear she alludes to, and shadowheart has already noticed how much elysia can deflect. ]

I guess what I want is that if someone manages to get to the bottom of my heart, they'll try to understand me.

But only then? Only if they get to the bottom of it first? That seems a difficult test you're putting before understanding.

Hmm... well, I don't think I made it unclear how I'm like, but if you don't have the whole picture, it's difficult, too, isn't it?

[ she makes it hard both ways. ]

That's why I'm trying hard, too. To get to know you and everyone else.

[she thinks about that, drumming her fingers. elysia is so open in some ways, but she knows literally nothing about her.]

Wanting to be understood makes sense. I always want that, too. [even when she doesn't give all that much to go on.] When I said there wasn't all that much to say about myself, it's because I don't remember anything. Or, next to nothing. A few fragments here, a few weeks of time there.

So I have to hope it's possible to understand someone without the whole picture, because I doubt even I will ever have that.

[ shadowheart, did your religion scramble your memories? that's not what elysia is thinking, but it is what i'm wondering.

elysia mulls over that for a while. ]

You're still a whole picture even if you don't know everything there is to know about yourself. I've always known I was a little different, but I didn't know exactly how until near the end - before I spent this existence in a realm of my own making for thousands of years. I still don't know everything there is to know about myself.

It's the picture you know and want others to see... the picture you may also be afraid of letting others see because it may leave them wondering if any of the pictures you showed them were true.

[ when the light hits a painting and reveals there's another layer hidden underneath the surface, is that a secret or is it a lie? or is it finally seeing everything? ]

I want to understand every part of the picture you hold, as you are right now.... and if somehow, someway, someday, more parts of your picture gets filled in, I'd be happy to understand those parts, too.

You were in a realm of your own making for thousands of years?

[what does that mean, elysia... but she does smile at this. it's a sweet sentiment even if delivered in a typically elysia way.]

I'll tell you anything you want to know, I only mean that there's seldom much to tell.

Well, I didn't exactly make it? That's beyond my abilities, but with the help of my friends and their abilities and some special technology.... it's a realm created by using memories. I'm... or I was a simulation.

[ she is pretty sure shadowheart's world's technology isn't modern, but she leaves that statement there. shadowheart can ask for more details. elysia doesn't want to information overload all at once. ]

I think you have a lot to tell even if you don't remember much. Can I ask what you were doing before you died?

[yes this is beyond her tech know-how, though the cave exists.]

And you were alone there, or with your friends?

[elysia would have to ask a loaded question first, but.]

Deciding whether or not to kill someone. I did let her go, but it ended poorly all the same.

My friends are there, too.

[ she points to her halo with its thirteen numerals. she's not alone.

it's easier to learn about people with loaded questions. even if they won't answer it, she learns how sensitive it is for the other person. ]

Is it because you let her go?

Yes. At least, I think it was. I failed an important mission and was punished, though I'm not sure it was meant to end in my death.

[that would be slightly unusual.]

Will you tell me what happened to you, before coming here?

shadowheart catchall

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